Internship Update [5]

June is nearing and there's still not another job offer. I know that life has it's ups and downs and I guess with this; I'm heading for the down. It's not that I completely lost hope... it's that I had an opportunity and I took it for granted, but I don't want to regret the decision I made. I e-mailed her again yesterday and she told me there were no new job offers. I was kind of afraid to hear that, but I needed to hear it. I guess, it's okay if I don't get into this program. What did I have to lose, right? I'm still happy though that i gave myself this opportunity. I guess this is the heavens telling me that I'm not ready to put on more stress. There's a lot of things I need to focus on now, and though I really feel like I could have handled this internship it doesn't seem it it'll happen. Thank you everyone who supported me, and I'm sorry for disappointing you all. If I don't get a job offer, if I don't get an interview, if I don't get accepted, I'm sorry. I really hate to be the one to disappoint people. I think disappointing people is one of the worst feelings I have to ever deal with and so I always try to do everything to prevent it but there are just times when I can't. I'm not superhuman, and so I'm bound to disappoint people once in a while right? I just want to say that even if I don't get this, this isn't the end of the line for me. Tomorrow June, and my last days for a chance are nearing. i don't want to live even a fraction of my summer with regret. Somehow even before this all started I had a feeling that this win-win situation may just land me in the unlikely lose. The days for SYC registration are nearing the end as well. I don't know how much longer to wait, and so i might just wait past it only to realize that it's too late. I might wait to find out there's nothing for me out there, and it'd be too late to sign up. Still, will I be able to find some meaning during that month of summer? With no internship, no SYC, I need to find something to make it still worthwhile so that I won't regret. I really, really, don't want to regret.