Decisions and Gr 10/11 Memories

I dropped the internship. Actually, I dropped it almost a month ago now. I guess it could be compared to someone waiting for rain in a drought--if I kept waiting I would've only been disappointed more. Right now though, I'm not too disappointed because now I can go to SYC. If this taught me anything it taught me that cover letters are really hard to write sincerely and lead to hundreds of distractions for maybe 4 hours until you finally finish writing it, and that when you want something, you may have to sacrifice something else because we can't always have what we want. Actually, that lesson is a little old; I'm sure even 10 years olds know it. Still, I don't feel regretful that I let the opportunity pass because I know it's not the end of the line. When I started working towards getting that internship the only thing in my mind was to get ahead, soar higher than everyone else and reach my dream before it was even ripe enough for me to pick. That was wrong. I'm still young and so I should take things slowly, because i know in the end I'll still end up in a good place. There's no point in wasting my childhood wishing I could just grow up already. Sure high schools' not the best thing ever but I should still enjoy it.

Therefore, to lighten the mood I shall reminisce of my few favourite moments (or regretful moments) in grade 11 now that the school year has passed.

• Ordering pizza delivery from pizza 73 to the school. Twice.
• Accidentally skipping English to go eat Dim sum
• Going up to check my mark on the circulatory/blood and immunity unit test and seeing the numbers 102%
• Creating my molecular dog with an atom building kit in Chemistry
• My first 100% in math on my own in the quadratics/polynomials cumulative exam
• Going up to check my mark in math and seeing a 99.7%
• Filming the Stalking bear in underwear video for comm tech
• Filming for 'The Lottery Ticket' for English
• Attending the June Awards ceremony for the first time and getting 2 certificates (Eng 20-1 and comm tech 20)
• finally being able to mix chemicals in the pH and indicator lab
• Getting unknown pH solution on my ear
• Spilling fake urine with 'nephritis' on my hand during a bio lab
• The heart and rat dissection
• Using a cash register for the first time in the cafeteria
• Serving wrestling coaches food after school
• Vandalizing my social teacher's belongings with Hello Kitty stickers

I guess when I think back to these happy times (some even mischievous), grade 11 was a year worth living through. I don't regret anything and I'm happy with where I am right now. 

This makes me wonder what my best memories of grade 10 were, and I don't have a very good impression of that year so this may be hard.

• Sneaking food in the computer lab during science and hiding an orange in my pocket
• Our best volleyball game in gym class with Rachel, Danny... I don't think Vivian was there...hm...someone's missing. oh well; it was the best game in a while with a lot of cheering. oh right, Zarah was there.
• Badminton with Rachel
• Running the loop. 4 times; and beating my record each time.
• Social dance with Vivian, Rachel, Danny, Zarah, and 3 other people, making up a random dance.
• Stabbing a poster paper with scissors while my social teacher was talking, thus making her believe hat I am incapable of handling scissors
• Poke wars in design studies, and watching SS501 and Super Junior on Youtube instead of animating my Mokona
• Making my Sungmin shirt in comm tech
• Secret Santa
• Tammy's birthday
• Pretending to be Korean in math class
• 85 - Minh knows what I mean.
• Being the class clown in info pro and researching Pokemon

I guess grade 10 wasn't as bad as it was thought to be.

Internship Update [5]

June is nearing and there's still not another job offer. I know that life has it's ups and downs and I guess with this; I'm heading for the down. It's not that I completely lost hope... it's that I had an opportunity and I took it for granted, but I don't want to regret the decision I made. I e-mailed her again yesterday and she told me there were no new job offers. I was kind of afraid to hear that, but I needed to hear it. I guess, it's okay if I don't get into this program. What did I have to lose, right? I'm still happy though that i gave myself this opportunity. I guess this is the heavens telling me that I'm not ready to put on more stress. There's a lot of things I need to focus on now, and though I really feel like I could have handled this internship it doesn't seem it it'll happen. Thank you everyone who supported me, and I'm sorry for disappointing you all. If I don't get a job offer, if I don't get an interview, if I don't get accepted, I'm sorry. I really hate to be the one to disappoint people. I think disappointing people is one of the worst feelings I have to ever deal with and so I always try to do everything to prevent it but there are just times when I can't. I'm not superhuman, and so I'm bound to disappoint people once in a while right? I just want to say that even if I don't get this, this isn't the end of the line for me. Tomorrow June, and my last days for a chance are nearing. i don't want to live even a fraction of my summer with regret. Somehow even before this all started I had a feeling that this win-win situation may just land me in the unlikely lose. The days for SYC registration are nearing the end as well. I don't know how much longer to wait, and so i might just wait past it only to realize that it's too late. I might wait to find out there's nothing for me out there, and it'd be too late to sign up. Still, will I be able to find some meaning during that month of summer? With no internship, no SYC, I need to find something to make it still worthwhile so that I won't regret. I really, really, don't want to regret.

Job Offers

So it turns out in my lifetime so far I declined 2 job offers. I never thought this would be happening and there's still the fear of losing the 2 chances I've gotten but I don't want this to be a decision I regret. It was clear that when I received the phone call it was a choice, and with the choice I had the responsibility of making the decision. I thought it over thoroughly, and even discussed it with a few friends and decided to decline.

If choices were easy to make, they wouldn't be choices. when they're 50/50 think it over carefully and choose one, then work hard to make that 50% into 100% so you won't regret anything.

I would like to thank Dream High for teaching me this, because this is what I did and this is how I think before making any big decision.  I still want to thank those 2 employers for considering me and I'm really grateful that they did. I don't want to be someone who takes these opportunities for granted or be greedy for self convenience so I hope that they'll find suitable interns to take those positions. Still, in the end whatever happens I'll trust it to God and if in the end I don't get a third job offer, then i'll accept it. Sometimes you get second chances, but rarely in life will you get a third. I don't want to be a pessimist so whatever happens I hope that I can go through with it with a smile on my face and confidently say that at least I thought it over carefully before seeing what I rejected.

Internship Update [4]

It's been a while since applications were sent in and it turns out out of everyone in my school I was the last person to be notified about an interview. It seems like the popular job offer going around is a office lab aid. I found out I had a job offer from a nursing home and in a way I'm kind of glad it was so far away we had to decline because I don't know how comfortable I'd be around senior citizens. I remember fighting my dilemma of choosing between this internship and SYC this summer and I decided that I still had next year for SYC--this internship was a one time thing. This means I really need to work for it, and I really need to try my best. It means i really need to show that I want it and work hard to prove that I can do it. We had a mock interview today during lunch and I can't say I did so well. Thank goodness it was a mock interview and I pray that I'll be able to do better when the real one comes. I need to be confident with the first impression I give off and I'm not good at them but I need to try. People can tell when you're being sincere and when you're being superficial, so I want to be able to answer all the questions earnestly with the best of my ability. I got a phone call after school today from a representative of Careers the Next Generation telling me that there was an offer as a office lab aid at the Foothills Hospital and wondered if it would be a convenient location for me. As of now I'm not sure because I still have to search bus routes but if I were to turn it down I'd be scared that there would be no other offer. I really hoped for something in the nutrition field to be honest but I'm not disappointed with this because every little thing will give me experience. Experience was what I wanted the most so I am confident that I'd be able to do my work with a smile. Maybe I will be able to talk to a few nutritionists there and possible have a job shadow? That's probably just wishful thinking now but it would be a great opportunity. As for now... I need to get cracking on bus routes along with my social homework. i knew we were going to have to cram everything this month thanks for my teacher spending 3 months on the French Revolution. Grade 11 is ending soon and I'm always through, so cheers to the upcoming summer and I hope that it'll be just as productive and thrilling.

Internship Update [3]

I'm not really in the mood for the professional blog right now so i'll just type this out plain, simple, and straightforward. Today while I was in foods the job coordinator came to look for me and told me to see her afterschool. When I went she listed out the things I needed to fix up in my resume and cover letter; nothing major. I felt relieved because if I had to make major changes I would just feel overwhlemed. She told me that out of my whole school I was the only one who had all my stuff together for the internship and that she has really high hopes for me to be accepted. She said she'd be shocked if they didn't accept me, but she didn't want to get my hopes too high. After all, I'm still competing with 500 students in the city. Today I decided to walk home from school instead of taking the bus because the weather was nice, the sky was clear. Overall I just wanted some quiet time to be thankful for this opportunity whether I make it or not. I have a good chance, and for that I'm thankful. I was just overall thankful today for everything; my friends, family, the weather, my grades, education, health, every single thing. It was just one of those good days. To all those who really believe in me and support me through everything; simply, thank you!

Internship Update [2]

I went and talked to my job coordinator again, and as usual, she was extremely bipolar. she starts off by tellign me the chances are higher this year for people to be accepted in the program, and then she crushes the atmosphere by saying I'm probably not going to be offered aspot though so I should go talk to employers. She gives me no sense of direction as to where to go or who to ask, she only restricted me from going to hospitals. I'm only in high school and I've never searched for a job before, so you'd think as a teacher she'd be more helpful? She gave me a thick booklet for a required course we have to take if we get accepted into the internship but I'm not going to work on it until it's for certain because of all the other schoolwork I'm currently piled with. As of now I don't feel comfortable talking to employers, considering I don't even know what to say so I'm just going to leave my chances to the program. If I'm in then great, if I'm not then, well, so much for a head start to my future. i'm only in grade 11, sometimes I feel like I'm pushing at too fast of a pace for me instead of enjoying my youth. Once I'm done high school it's pretty much the end of pure fun and games, because everything is going to be competitive. If I'm granted the opportunity to enter this internship then great, if not then, well, it's just life telling me I'm not ready. If I don't even feel ready enough to go up to employers and ask for a position then I won't take it hard if I'm not accepted. I'm in grade 11, I'm not at the end of the line. I have a feeling i'll be able to do great things in my life. Life doesn't go smoothly, there's ups and downs and so this opportunity still has a chance to be and up or a down.

Professional Foods

Since I decided to pursue nutrition, it only made sense that I take a foods course, right? I actually really needed something to fill my extra course slot, and really thought that Professional Foods would be something I could get through in highschool. I decided though, that next year rather than finishing Foods I'd take Psychology 20 and 30. After making this decision I never wanted to second guess; it's too late to change my mind anyway, but when I walked into Foods class today my teacher offered me a "job" to help out afterschool on Wednesday and Thursday for a staff interview thing (new teachers coming in) and cater for wrestling. I didn't accept because he added in the fact that I would get paid, I accepted because I want to take every opportunity I can to become more experienced in the real world. It doesn't matter how relevant it is, because it's still taking every opportunity I can to ultimately work my way towards my goal. i'm really thankful to my teacher for choosing me though I'm not sure why. I noticed during the hands on cooking I'd be the one who made most mistakes, get lost looking for something, feel frustrated for not understanding the recipe but at the end of the class I still feel accomplished for learning something, trying something new, and the mistakes I made I know I'd never make again. This should be relevant to health and nutrition, right? I think of this as my last opportunity in this field of work in high school because after grade 11, I'll be off to psychology to pursue my second interest. At least I'll know that I gave hands on cooking a try, because it's better than assuming that I can't do it.